“Oh no” escaped my lips. Suddenly I knew

“Oh no” escaped my lips. Suddenly I knew what I was doing for dinner that night. I looked over at the present next to the door nervously.

Now I know I went to a little girl's birthday party, ate all the cake, beat the children with electrical cord and then stole their presents but was this the present I planned to

give my girlfriend? Was this the perfect present? I was still suffering from the hangover, and couldn't remember what happened the night before, but I distinctively remember

that the girl at the bar was not my girlfriend. Corona and tequila clouded my brain and I think I may have made promises I have no intention of keeping. I hate when I

Brag about my penis size never expecting to be called on it. However this case was extreme as her vagina was like a flower vase and I am strictly referring to the size

and not the dead flowers that were sticking out of it. Looked like they'd been in there for at least 3 or 4 months; dried and crispy at the petals, the base a gooey, slimy mess.

It was a shame the slime in the flower vase stank so much. The flowers though dried out still held their shape quite well and the florists skill was apparent. Oops! The petals fell

and I knew that my wife was going to kill me. These were the flowers from our wedding that she had saved and kept preserved all these years. They were very important to her and

land on my shoulder. The bird pecked my ear, "Stool Pigeon, Squak! Stool Pigeon!" They put me away for two life sentences. And that is why I eat chicken every day.