It's CPA's that I hate. They all act like

It's CPA's that I hate. They all act like they went to some tough graduate school and are like doctors, and they are all idiots. All of them. That's why they put those stupid

letters after their name, fire up their stupid computers and use stupid words like 'portfolio' and 'diversified'. Dumbasses. Obviously I'm going to take my grandma's $70,000 and

actually invest it. LOOK AT ME! I have open sores, meth-mouth, burnt fingers - I'm obviously a speed-freak. Lindsay Lohan looked in the mirror, "Mirror mirror in this stall, who'

thaaaa...." (Thunk.) Unconsicous, Lindsay Lohan was transported away to a land where she was appreciated for her talent. "Elizabeth Taylor? No problamo!" said her fairy agent.

Her fairy agent had only seen one Eliasbeth Taylor film and so she wrapped up the body in an oriental rug and had Lindsay shipped to the source of the Nile. Linsay awoke 53 B.C.

and even in 53 BC, she was still a train wreck, running over people with her horse drawn chariot. Hitting up Ceaser's wines and hallucinogenic figs. Linsay even started to

get her publicist to argue with the cavemen in 40000 BC over who had the right of way. But when she drove her car into the primordial soup, Lohan's publicist had had enough and

THUNK.....THUNK... "Good thing I decided to wear my carbyne sweater vest this morning," she thought as the wheels of the bus ran harmlessly over her chest. He watched, stupefied.

As the bus sped away, he sank to his knees, raising his arms skyward, his face a picture of rapture. "I've just seen a miracle! The lady is blessed! No more crime for me! Haleluja!