"We'll get a parcel of land out in Amazonas

"We'll get a parcel of land out in Amazonas Planitia. Rumor say the land is fertile, the natives friendly." Pa hitched up our Lopers & we joined the next wagon train. The martian

, so it tried to get away. But martians couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, they're so shortsighted, so we caught it and made won tuns out of it and ate it in soup. Our journey

was stranger still as we sped through the back-country, where we ran afoul of a Martian whittling wood into cow-shapes with a sharp little dagger. I suggested we paddle faster

But now it was December and the first snowfall. Three years later, we had a better boat and had gotten to know the Martians well. Given the weather, we were invited to stay with

Gloop and Schleeb, the most beautiful of all the Martians. Their furry faces and dangling ears were mesmerising. Eventually I succumbed to their advances. It started with a

romp in the sheets - of ice. Then a romp through the woods & romp through fields of flowers. Soon we had little half alien babies everywhere. Their furry little faces glowed like

jack-o-lanterns as they lay asleep in their half-alien bassinets. The wise old owl of the forest knocked politley at the door and complained about the light pollution coming from

my cat's head. "Who, me? I'm just going around doing cat stuff." The wise old owl of the forest said, "Well, could you tone it down a little?" At this, my cat seemed indifferent. T

hen my cat jumped up to the branch of the wise owl and said, "Look... you are the cat of the bird world. Can we just.. like make a truce and be friends" The old owl nodded. THE END