Congratulations on your purchase of the brand

Congratulations on your purchase of the brand new Friendomatic! To get started, just follow these simple steps:

carefully remove the metal front plate and push the large yellow button, your Friendomatic will smile at you. Greet it in a funny way like: "what's cookin'?". This will calibrate

its sensors to your smile threshold. Then proceed to tell Friendomatic about any pet peeves, personal creed, and hobbies. In five minutes it should respond with a "Wow, really?"

My time with Friendomatic was so lovely that I bought the "With Benefits" upgrade. I leaned in for a kiss. "Don't you want to take me out to dinner first?" it asked. The nerve! Not

anymore I exclaimed! I turned and stormed off only to hear an awful ripping sound...I looked back to see my skirt hanging from the edge of a jagged projector. ''Oh my god!' I threw

my books up into the air in rage. One of the books ended up landing on the teacher's head, knocking her unconscious, maybe dead. So there I stood, ripped skirt, possibly dead teach

er on the ground. So, I did what any good citizen might do, and went rummaging through her purse with lightning speed. Pez, toothpicks, credit cards, photo of The Rock, wait a se

d. Meg Ryan has sweaty cleavage.

Dog farts smell really bad. My grass will grow. PCs are better than Macs. These are all facts, despite whatever happened in the past or in the future. And thus, the book shut.