"Stop that. Stop that right now." Billybob,

"Stop that. Stop that right now." Billybob, the meek policeman, squeaked at the thief. "Oh, OK." the criminal replied, ashamed of his bad behavior. Billybob was a legend among cops

Billybob had captured 6 bank robbers, single-handedly. The other cops looked to Billybob for inspiration, wondering how such a meek man with a penchant for Danielle Steele novels

could capture so many bank robbers. Billybob was given the Badass Badge, the highest honor amongst us cops. I suspect he was knocking back some serious Gym Candy due to his increas

ing trips to the bathroom. Billybob was a fool but when he was in the Gym he was the biggest fool in Tulsa. Why, he once mad an ass of himself with Squat machine by

trying to squat 350 lbs while eating a McBaconatorDouble. It was a sight to behold, Billybob dropped the sammie, and then snapped his back into 5 pieces. To this day, Billybob

is known far and wide as "The Penta-Goon" due to his spine being broken into five places due to the hamburger lifting accident. Billybob tried to use his fame on a reality show in

Singapore, but all it got him was a death sentence for smuggling gila monsters into Asia. It's a hot market in Mongolia, I know, but for my money a less risky venture is to simply

I have yet to write it, but have all ready sold it to Huffin House. My agent calls every morning and pleads with me to write. The pressure is making me crazy. My mind was not

made of living brain matter like most people's. A cool lime jelly substance, it provides my thoughts a more efficient, viscous channel to travel through. All geniuses have one.