Det James Jehoshaphat Manatee threw aside

Det James Jehoshaphat Manatee threw aside his copy of 'The Sheik & the Impatient Virgin'. Retirement was getting boring, so when The Case of the Flowery Corpse crossed his radar he

grabbed his copy of "Botany: Friend" and found the crime scene. "Jane Doe wasn't the only one deflowered before her wedding," Det. Manatee quipped. He checked the asters for prints

and the prince for lupins, but Manatee ruled out a copycat crook. Chewing pensively on some rhododendrons, he knew you could lead a horticulture but you couldn't make her think.

Was it Lupinius who said "Even a small garden hoe could fell the biggest beanstalk? And wasn't asexual reproduction a type of graft? "The potency makes the poison!" exclaimed JMan

to Dr. J. Dr. J was tired of JMan's botanical boasting. Jay Leno said to both of them, "You guys don't have green thumbs, you are all thumbs." Jay Z was listening to all this

while rolling a J. Jay Z lit it, hit it, passed it to Jay Leno who passed it to Dr. J who passed it to JMan, the best half-man, half-manatee, dope-smoking private investigator in t

the psychedelic sea. (Shhh! This is just 1 of many of JMan's secrets...) JMan toked & passed it on to Jay Osmond (yeah, Donnie & Marie's bro!), who hit it twice & passed it to JLo,

seated in the lap of J Mascis. His flowing grey locks were being braided into a french bun by JWoww of Jersey Shore fame. JMan was alone in the corner, wearing a J. Crew

t-shirt because MTV wanted him to be hip. But J Mascis was too freakin' badass, flicked his beautiful gray bun, and started rocking out. MTV broke, JWoww left & a new era was born.

That day would be remembered by many. It's history, written as it was, on the walls of nightclub bathrooms like ancient hieroglyphs. Nobody would ever forget the name J Mascis.