I had given up trying to be an expert home

I had given up trying to be an expert home chef, but I couldn't give up the fix-it. So I found uses for some of my old items. Mustard seed make great temporary ball bearings. Meat

loaf made good cinder blocks for working on my car. When my transmission was shot, I used the mill from the pepper grinder. When I shifted, my car left a trail of sichuan pepper

which was sucked up through the exhaust. Full pepper blasts. My eyes puffed up. I couldn't see where I was driving. I slammed on the brakes and

realized that i slammed on the gas by accident! Then as, the smoke cleared, i found my self in a McDonald's Play Place and my lap was covered in Big Macs, Coke, and blood.

It took a sec for me 2 get out of the frenchfry haze I was in.OMG, the carnage! Hamburglar was halfway under the car, Birdie's leg was through the windshield, and there was 1 big

purple splotch all over the front windshield from what little was left from Grimace. On a good note, I didn't spill my shake and I clearly won the fight for the last McRib.

But when I got home that night, my wife took a good look at me &, wiping the blob of McRib sauce from the corner of my mouth, she asked, "You brought one home for me too, right?"

"Sorry babe, the Hamburglar stole the other McRibs." "I most certainly did NOT," said a voice from the bedroom. "Hamburglar, you're tearing us apart more than any pork sandwich!"

Hamburglar came down the stairs dressed in a negligee and nothing else. We ignored him. "I demand satisfaction!" he stated. "Tomorrow, at dawn, pistols or sword, your choice."

"Shamrock Shakes at dawn!" we chanted as one. Hamburglar grimaced, mumbled under his breath, then sought out Mayor McCheese to contest the choice of weapons. Ronald chortled.