If a vampire bit you, you became a vampire.

If a vampire bit you, you became a vampire. If a werewolf bit you, you became a werewolf. Mummies wanted to wrap you up. Where were the monsters who didn't want you to join a club?

Said the geek. Another tired meeting of the horror revisionists. All these dopes wanted to dilute the power and awe of horror with "backstories" and then you get crap like Twilight

with its watered-down, so-called "horror." Screw Twilight, what we need is a real horror series. Vampires that don't sparkle. Werewolves with personality. What we need is

"The Count vs Zoroark"! While getting the license for a Sesame Street/Pokemon crossover would be nigh impossible, just think of the money a direct-to-SyFy movie would

drain from our cofers! Well, what else was a girl with smallish breasts and the IQ of a green bean to do with all that inheritance, anyway? The gift couldn't possibly be

Friendly's Tasting Commerce were going to make me drink a Fribble. I'm scared of Fribbles! Our annulment papers clearly indicated I couldn't have any, but there were no loopholes.

A Fribble it would be then. I might get brain freeze! That was probably the plan freeze my brain and take all my money through my will but I have no choice

. My myelin sheath was the first to go, which slowed my oligodendrocytes, thus nullifying the astocytes. I began babbling incoherently (as opposed to my usual coherent babbling).

"blerrghu sleerghy bloptop vop mis ots bleunughity blumph verlergh niasghitish zish wasoptiv weibob coilef!" at which everyone burst into hysterical laughing fits.