As President Obama waved at the cheering

As President Obama waved at the cheering crowd, Mitt Romney's form seemed to bulge and melt. Suddenly, his face split open, revealing a toothed maw and six waving tentacles, aimed

directly at the second-term POTUS. Mittzilla blasted Obama to pieces with some sort of cosmic laser and then looked directly into the camera. "People of U.S.A. I am your leader.

And I do not need a teleprompter in order to communicate effectively with you. I communicate by telepathy." Mittzilla placed both claws on either side of his head and hummed

a lady Gaga song because Mittzilla could not get it out of his head. Mittzilla desperately needed

some pretzel nuggets and some bacon. Mittzilla went to Amazon.com, but sadly, his prime account wasnt working right. He put on his navy peacoat, and went out into the snow to get

his paintball gun. Nothing helped him overcome depression than shooting weasels and thinking of the days when he was a kick-ass professional paintballer. Oh, the chicks loved him

then, for his lean young body, for his uniform, for his sponsorships. Pro paintballing was like sperm competition as performance art. But now he just painted their curves in his

If only he could remember the way out. He really needed to launder his shirt because blood stains are so hard to get out if left for too long.

Plus then if he tossed it in with the other whites, they'd all turn pink. And if he threw it in with the coloreds, then the shirt would become tie-dyed. This was his dilemma.