She stirred me…stimulated, motivated, and

She stirred me…stimulated, motivated, and provoked me. Hours after we withdrew, she excited me…and thrilled me…and aroused me. ...I have no clue how I'm staying awake for this film

. "Open your eyes, young man!" Mom yelled, poking me awake. "You have to watch this educational film about the kind of woman you should never, ever date. Understand?" I nodded.

Mom made me sit on the couch and connected the tv.

"Just cause you watch straight porn don't mean you arn't gay," Mom said, "sit here and watch some Disney like a 12 year old." As she walks away, I roll down the window a run naked.

I run, run, run. Running naked is incredibly freeing.

But when you're a physical education teacher, it's frowned upon. That's how my troubles started...

I hadn't wanted to be a physical education teacher. I was trying to get on teaching Physics at NameAState University but then Sister Mary Elizabeth got pregnant & I had to take the

But, what a fool with a whistle believes: I mimed my way to teaching the physical science of Nok-Hockey to a clan of Asian acrobats. Then I broke my vow of silence and saved her

from the Shaman of the Cave of Doom. The Shaman, now a feeble old coot, was dozing when I arrived. I rescued her and, feeling sorry for the old bastard, left a bottle of Geritol.