To hear this menu in Zombish, text or say
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To hear this menu in Zombish, text or say "brains". We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls. Please listen carefully, as many of the options have changed. If you have
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a slight discoloration in your flesh, press "1." If you notice your heart is no longer beating, press "2." If you find your fingers are falling off, speak clearly "3." For further
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options press 9". He pressed 9. "If you are unable to breath & your face is turning blue, press 1","if you have slurred speech..." He punched 1. "If you were eating mochi
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before dinner press 2." He pressed 2. "To be spontaneous and act unpredictably press 3." He pressed 3. The automated voice said, "now who's the programmed and programmer, I
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ask? If you, press 3.If my automated voice, press 4.”He pressed 5 because that sounded like a trick question.So Nice Samba on hold organ music started playing. Bored, he pushed 666
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. It said, "It seems you wish to speak to a lawyer. Anything you say can and will be used against..." Scared, he pushed 777. "It's your lucky day! To claim a prize, press 1. To die
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press 6." I panicked and pressed 666 into the phone."You've dialed Satan," said a guttural voice."If you'd like to sell your soul, dial 5311. If you want the answer to life, the
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number is 42. I put down the phone, and suddenly realised what I needed to do.
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I hopped in my Gremlin and went to the store for frozen yougurt. I walked to the frozen section -- grabbed the 100 calorie notsovanilla flavor, and then shoplifted. What a rush!!
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Unfortunately, it was all caught on the security cameras and posted to YouTube, and soon I showed up on Failblog as the World's Dumbest Shoplifter. Ah well, that's show biz for ya.
3
- Started
- 2011-12-23 02:50:25
- Finished
- 2012-09-05 01:19:27
5 Comments
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KieferSkunk Sep 05 2012 @ 01:22
If you thought this story was funny, press 1. If not, please hang up and try your call again.
Zetawilk Sep 05 2012 @ 02:00
I made the classic "narrator perspective" blunder again. Also, I repeated the use of 666. This just wasn't my fold, but I really enjoyed the thread we had going.
KieferSkunk Sep 05 2012 @ 02:21
*idly wonders if any of the people on this site are from Fuzzy's old ECS server at purdue.edu?*
Zetawilk Sep 05 2012 @ 02:23
Never heard of that. Speaking of educational websites, my university won't accept my login, despite the fact they promised me that having graduated would grant me lifetime access to their scholarly article resources as well as my own webspace. If not, I wish they'd take down what was up there.
KieferSkunk Sep 05 2012 @ 02:25
The Exquisite Corpse Server was a small app similar to this, but without logins or text size limits. It's where I first found out about the Exquisite Corpse game (the original name for this type of game), and there were some genuinely FUNNY stories told there. Alas, the site disappeared about a year ago, so I was overjoyed to find this place. :)