The thing about Laverne was that she had

The thing about Laverne was that she had tavern battered breasts that

contained an evil magic. As she walked,

the air she breathed formed spiky crystals in her lungs. She coughed and coughed up bloody masses of these green crystals. They dropped from her fingers to the earth and sprouted

large crystallized masses on the earth below her. Her loud coughing had gained the attention of one of the most fearsome creatures in Blackgowder forest, and as the masses grew in

number, her coughing grew in noise. These fearsome creatures were lured to her raucous sound. They approached her timidly, having not heard the noise before. She was a fair woman

not only of skin but also she grew up in a State Fair. Even better she was known to be very fair in her arguments. Yes, she was fair, fair, fair woman about to pay a train fare to

Hell when the station master suddenly closed up shop. "This isn't fair!" she yelled, little knowing that an angel had suddenly caused the station master to have acute diarrhea. She

was called the Angel of Poo, well known in these parts for giving folks the runs so justice could prevail. The Station Master moaned from the next room while the angry customer

Boarded the train without paying. Mr. Jones ducked the conductor by pretending he was reading the newspaper. It worked! He went home to his Gregorian house and locked the door.