Happiness is a breakfast burrito. That is

Happiness is a breakfast burrito. That is all.

It was on this platform that Rick Bayless, gourmet Mexican chef, ran for President of the United States. How could something as simple as a breakfast burrito transform the U.S.?

Well, it's simple Rick Bayless had a magic ingredient. The breakfast burrito contained magic beans. The magic beans transformed Rick into a presidential candidate. Rick had always

enjoyed wearing a little chin-beard and he would be the first presidential candidate to do so in a long while. Rick Bayless climbed the magic beanstalk of presidential power and

looked down on all the people below. Unfortunately, Rick Bayless fell into the trap of letting power get to him. He knew he had power, and everyone else was scum to him.

He had yet to experience the disorientation of a blackout, but his comeuppance would be the year's highlight for those whose toes he'd ground into dust. Chuckling to himself, his

mirth was soon interrupted. "Beware," hazarded the mystery caller. "We know your whereabouts. There will be justice." He stowed his cellphone in a drawer, and opened the jar of

ghastly death. He had only three more evil vapors to put on someone and cause a ghastly death. He needed to be judicious. Who would be his jar of ghastly death's next victim?

He put his jar of ghastly death into a reusable grocery bag and set out to find his next ghastly death victim. At the bus stop, a hobo stole his bag, not realizing a jar of ghastly

death was tucked within it. He reached in opened the jar, stuck in a knife & spread ghastly death all over his toast. With his last breath he sighed, "Cripes, foiled again..."