I suppose you'd call me a modern day Lazarus.'Coitus

I suppose you'd call me a modern day Lazarus.'Coitus terminus' the coroner noted on my death certificate. I was on the way to my funeral in my casket when the hearse driver crashed

into a bus of fundamentalist Christians on their way to a Harry Potter book burning. The impact to the hearse sprang me from my coffin & autoerotic positioning, realigning my spine

which meant that I might have to go back to work. I tried not to think about it, but then Harry Potter appeared at the book burning. The Fundamentalist Christians didn't see him

as the "real" Potter. Rather, they regarded Harry as the Clay: thick and difficult to mold to righteousness. Did Harry care? Nah. He asked the FundamOnes who were burning his book,

"A Guide to Shadows". Harry went to a bar that day and ordered fish and chips with his uncle. The fish recognised him and said hello. Harry ate other fish he didn't recognise.

He wished his uncle hadn't accompanied him. Harry's uncle recognised a lot of fish, whom Harry himself had never been acquainted with, and so he decided he would eat them all

in order to know more about them. What better way to get better acquainted than for him to eat them? As time by his uncle was getting more and more sullen because I was eating his

converted rice. Uncle Ben loved his rice, but had insisted that the rice be converted before he would marry it or a church wedding would be out of the question. The rice had to go

to the supervectortwistomaticflapemzapem where the bride rice was close to instantly turned into a hot sexy Asian woman with the German name Helga. It suited her & they married but