His mom wore a mumu and smoked GPC menthols

His mom wore a mumu and smoked GPC menthols while drinking huge amounts of foamy instant ice tea. It was

irresistible. She'd get the cutest little iced tea foam mustache on her actual mustache and l liked to lick it off in between gulps. My friend never forgave me after his mom and I

cried. Weeping openly, our tears of joy soon washed the milk out of our facial hair. Never had a buttermilk contest produced such emotion! Soon our tears gave way to a sense of

licking, as cows slowly stamped their way from the ranching building, attracted by the buttermilk streaming down our faces. You ever seen a cow's tongue? It's friggin' huge. We

were laughing and remembering how our mother used to tell us you act like you were raised in a "ranching building"! We began to quiet down when we heard the first of the cows

partake in a chorus of lowing moos to Handel's Messiah. We thought they were a little "pitchy" tonight and decided they needed more roughage in their oats. Classically bred,

these cows would soon have the timber needed to debut my avant guard piece "Animal Farm" for 4 cows, 2 goats and a sow at the Met. The audience got a whiff of my orchestra and

as if we were at the 19th century,proceded to throw bad tomatoes and eggs at the cows who felling hurt by such vile act,returned the ofense by targeting the audience with fresh

salvos from the bovine artillery that had suddenly shown up to offer much needed tactical support to the beleaguered cows. Tomatoes and eggs were no match for modern shells but