I'd amassed a collection of Tolkien paraphernalia

I'd amassed a collection of Tolkien paraphernalia like his pipe, original manuscripts, wedding ring, walking canes and such when I discovered the giant copy of LOTR in Kansas City

Barbecue Flavored Lays Potato chip bags. Actually, the manuscript was in several parts in various bags. I ate 1,194 bags of chips to get Tolkien's entire LOTR manuscript

which I needed to see for myself if it was true that the map of middle-Earth included in the original manuscript in fact contained a map to the lost treasure of Ivan the Terrible.

But Ivan had squandered that treasure when he splattered his son's brains across the floor of the meager yet posh throne room. Still the treasure map yielded inklings of a clue

to the lost city of popadupalous where untold treasures awaited him. Ivan kicked his sons corpse and summoned his dragon to fly to his wizard friend, who would know what to do.

The dragon pulled up on Wizard Frank's penthouse roof, and roared. 'IVAN'S SON IS DEAD'. Flames careened across the sky. Frank had just poured a whisky and was annoyed at

put a ward around the castle. Unfortunately, it didn't cover the drawbridge. The dragon perched on the watch tower. "Swell party Frank, where was my invite?" The wizard gulped, "Um

..." That's as far as Wizard Frank got, as the dragon fried him, then laughed as he watched his ashes float away in the moat. "It's party tiiiiiiiime!" the dragon hollered, draggin

g a barrel-full of peaches and human femurs into the courtyard. The dragon and all his dragon buddies laughed and joked and breathed fire like any good dragons would do. Poor Frank