"To one half-cup whiskey add three drams

"To one half-cup whiskey add three drams elderberry tincture. Stir widdershins by the light of a harvest moon. Pour over glacial snow in a cup carved by no man's hand."

My hands shook as I followed the instructions for the spell. I hoped this worked. I wanted my wife to have bigger boobs. Now all I have to do is get her to drink this cocktail &

... well, they're not pants any more!" Yes, this is the sad tale of how Buster Gonad came by his unfeasibly large testicles. The fame he achieved was some consolation, but the drin

k hankies he cooled his grapefruit sized manberries in had a leopard pattern and were studded. When Buster Gonad scratched them it sounded like a Shekere. It all began one night in

Nigeria when Buster met Hugh Jasslapper. Percussively speakng, Buster'd always enjoyed clopping his coconuts, but Hugh taught him how to truly tap his gourd & make sweet music with

that famous crowd pleaser Rosy Palm. Buster, Hugh, Rosy, and Jerry Kameeoff made a video of one of their jam sessions that went viral. They did Letterman, SNL, The Today Show, and

Chopped. Rosy Palm. Buster, Hugh, Rosy, and Jerry Kameeoff also went on CNN and met Jake Tapper. They giggled a lot and said, "Your name sounds so...raunchy."

Jake Tapper was aware of this. But Tapper was just a euphemism for something more embarrassing. His grandfather changed it legally 100 years ago. His grandfather was a merchant for

early Tupperware, back when it was made of wood and didn't "burp" as easily as it later did when it was made of plastic. Lord knows how they stayed in business. How embarrassing!