I nervously boarded the cargo elevator, my

I nervously boarded the cargo elevator, my enigmatic guide sliding the door shut and flipping the switch. We began to descend deep into the earth. I was nervous, but I needed to kn

ow why my toilet was on the fritz. So, just like Jules Verne, I had to embark toward the center of the earth. My guide and I both held out plungers at the ready, as the elevator sh

aft ceremony began, I reflected on how this elevator religion started and forgot about my toilet. I belong to the Unitarian Church of Die Hard. This faith

has seen me through many action filled trials and tribulations. As it written in the 1st Gospel of John McClane: "Verily, I will rain down upon your car of patrol one evildoer, so

heinous you will desire not to place thine hand atop this evildoer's cranium whence putteth-ing him in the car of patrol." The Gospel of John McClane continued, "Behold, my revenge

, served shakeneth, not stirred. Allowed thine movie references to become jumbled. I'll haveth what this wench has havethed. You hadeth me at good morrow. Showeth me the coinage!"

"Soylent Green art people!", ""Here's looking at thou, kid.", "Art thou talking to me?""E.T. make thou use of a futuristic instrument to contact home." The Renaissance Fair stopped

An alternative to Lollapalooza, where the audience showed off their Russian jerseys and draped themselves in Mexican flags. They got so drunk that they were kicked out of the bars

& ended up on the streets.John played a set of emptied tequila bottles & Carl covered "Welcome to Tijuana".Their sombrero contained 32 pesos after an hour. ¡Caramba Lollapaloocita!