Jack was a jack of many trades. Ex-miner,

Jack was a jack of many trades. Ex-miner, ex-pirate, ex-mercenary - the list was not full. It did not include, for instance, a number of ex-friends, that were possessed by a desire

to attempt the taboo of killing a descendant of Chuck Norris and Cher. They learned the hard way that hair that straight can slice through bone and a beard that manly will pierce

the horn of the mighty Oscar of Trent. No one was entirely sure of Oscars existance much less the existance of their lovely Trent.

The myth had started thousands of years ago. But this yellow trail of saliva would surely prove that Oscar of Trent was a real being. They decided to set a trap by mixing oregano

with a little catnip and rum, set in front of the clouded mirror on the night of the new moon. They hid behind the drapes and settled in to wait for

the Weretabby. They heard an amorous howling catterwall and then an enormous whisker appeared at the door.

It was Colonel Mustard and his enormous whiskers. Ms. Scarlett had kicked him out of her bed again because he'd waxed her pubic hair into a fancy mustache. It was going to be

one hell of a shindig to be sure! colonel mustard usually tended to treat all of his sexual conquests as if he were the spaniards and they were the aztecs. "give me all your gold"

add weight and visual interest to the centerpieces. Then, Col. Mustard would action them off for charity. Scarlet and Mrs White would always fight over them. No one had a clue!