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The entire top tier of his book shelf was

  • The entire top tier of his book shelf was covered with the creations of one author. The second tier was strewn with statues and memorabilia. But now, the authors bigoted comments

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  • had become charming and quaint. Redd Foxx's hall of memories was a stop on the Denny's Sensitivity Tour. His honorary museum to Goethe was extremely

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  • boring. Luckily I glanced at my fingernails, which were in need of a manicure. But something was wrong with my middle finger. It appeared to be

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  • reacting on its own accord and was flipping the bird to everyone who crossed my path. Inept mailman? Crochety old guy? Sister Francis? They all got the finger from me despite my

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  • best attempt to hide the offending hand in my pants pocket. Unfortunately, the erect finger under fabric created even more offense, which is how i ended up here in Central Lockup.

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  • If only i could bend that finger, anyway since I first got here this weird old man has been staring at my shoes. He has big eyes,

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  • and he smells like pickles and mustard, which doesn' t surprise me. Old people like mustard. Dad had warned me about this: "When an old man stares at your shoes, give him mustard"

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  • . The guy was looking at my shoes alright, but I suspected it was because I'd buffed them to a glossy sheen and he was trying to spy the color of my panties. Fortunately

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  • I had put a small sign on the crotch of my panties "If you can read this you are either a pervert of my date." It was in braille and Sanserif. Just in case I included my phone #.

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  • number written with middle egyptian heiroglyphs because this seemed sensible. However, as I was wearing sweats today, I felt that the panty note seemed rather pointless in the end.

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