She planted the seed that had come from the

She planted the seed that had come from the dusty packet in the back of the greenhouse. For weeks, nothing, then, one day, a sprout appeared, ghastly green, glowing with an unholy

swiss cheese as leaves. The green plant was a swiss cheese plant. She didn't know what to do with it. She needed ham, like yesterday.

She sighed. Sometimes it was really inconvenient being a quadraplegic. She could make the best paninis ever with her handicap accessible sandwich press if she could get some ham.

Her party guests questioned the bite marks in the panini rolls and left in disgust. She waved good-bye with her head and posted to her "Handi-capable" blog. A dashing ham vendor

Sold Canadian bacon and introduced her folded stories to the world. Four years later, this one was almost half finished. Her blog audience was huge by then. She became famous for

stories about Canadian bacon. Her blog audience dwindled so she expanded her stories to include Squirrel wrapped in Canadian bacon on a stick. A Canadian butcher proposed to her.

They got married and opened a little butcher shop together in Punkeydoodles Corners, Ontario, called Bloody Carcasses. Her blog readership picked up sharply for awhile, but

declined after she made a few controversial remarks. But she honestly couldn't give a damn--better she let her true thoughts be known than to censor herself for the public's liking

of decency, not corrupting children & crap like that. To hell with 'em. She began writing her true thoughts on index cards & posting them around town. Then she found the internet.