Brett had teased Samantha since the beginning

Brett had teased Samantha since the beginning of fifth grade. When this insecure, overweight girl threatened him with a water balloon, he never imagined that she would follow thru

-mmy faced person like himself. Brett was the fifth grade teacher, and despite the creative abuse he heaped on fat Samantha, his pupil, she "imprinted" on him. She followed ev

en the faintest smell of lasagna in hopes that she could wolf it down. Knowing this, Sam's teacher loaded a tomato-sauce-scented bullet

into the chamber. He wasn't sure the scented bullet was going to work, but he was desperate, under pressure to produce results in the classroom. No Child Left Behind had

reduced him to a shrivelled husk of the man he used to be. He put the barrel of the gun in his mouth & pulled the trigger. Scents of cloves & cinnamon filled the air. His attempt

suitable hobby to occupy his mind for the long stretch ahead. Stamp-collecting, geology, archaeology -- nope. For now he would serve coffee to the poor mortals in a diner in

the Calico Cat Cafe. He hated cats, the feeling of one rubbing against his bare thigh while its fluffy tail swished about in his diner skirt. Noone knew he was actually to God of

Catatonia & this was his purgatorial nightmare. Another cat jumped down onto his table seemingly from nowhere & began gnawing on his tunafish salad. Huge welts appeared across his

chest. It was like all the cats had banded together to destroy him, and his tunafish salad. The claws dug deep, deep enough to finally spark him to action, reaching for