Jane stretched and rubbed her eyes. The had

Jane stretched and rubbed her eyes. The had fallen asleep last night with list in her hand. She smiled when she read it. "New Year Resolution 1: Wake up."

2. Wake up. 3. Wake up. Jane's list repeated this command over & over again. She was caught in a nightmarish Groundhog's Day miasma of New Year's Resolution hell. She had to

get out somehow! 4. Wake up. 5 Wake up. 6. Wake...She slammed the alarm clock off and got out of bed. The New Year's Resolution List was now telling her to make a healthy breakfast

. She dropped a banana & carrot in the blender & 3 eggs on the floor. The New Years list said "No swearing." "Fudging Chip!" She improvised. "Don't be late for work. Don't speed"

she called to her husband as he scrambled out the door. "Son of a forking birch," she muttered as she wiped the eggs from the floor and wrung them into the blender. Her smoothie

now contained extra protein from the eggs, becoming the world’s first fruity egg nog. The inventor, a strange lady who was obsessed with forking over recipes, couldn’t help but

brag about her success on social media. Her favourite past-time was posting foodie shots on Instagram, always with "#blessed #foodie" somewhere in the caption. It drove her friends

feral. At first she didn't notice them. Her friends had always been good looking scenery before. Why wouldn't they continue to be that and feral? But when they started nitpicking &

complaining about her low-cut top, she lost it. "Why are you going all feral on me suddenly? You guys need to grow the heck up and stop treating me with the respect I deserve as

I am a purulent princess! I tattooed doormat on my head and entrance only on my backside for a reason! "We thought you were making a statement about toxic masculinity." Oh ffs!