Monday morning, 9am. It's pouring outside

Monday morning, 9am. It's pouring outside and I'm struggling to summon up enough motivation to get out of bed.

I looked out the window and then I saw it. I could not believe it! It was a

...Oh my...I can't even describe it. I've never seen anything like it. It's...Well, it's...I have to look away! But I can't!! It...It's coming this way!! Our Father, who art in hea

ven, hollowed out as thy brain --" "Prayin' won't help you now," Grandpa cut in. "You should've listened to your Elders." Maybe so. The brilliant ball of light hurled toward us

. Suddenly I remembered what my elders said so long ago. I had sat on Grandpa's lap as he conveyed his wisdom: "Duck!" I hit the dirt as the fireball sailed over me. Grandpa smiled

somewhere up there, or perhaps in his grave. He^'d ducked once when he should have goosed. A traumatic accident I prefer not to elaborate. The fireball crashed into Grandma's still

But not all was lost. My pelvic girdle was still intact, a body part many people take for granted. Without it our organs would flop around unsupported. Strong hillbillies make

us look like fools. They walk around swinging their hips thinking they are on the cat walk.

I could hear their joints clicking loudly. "Stop! That noise is driving me nuts!" "Sounds like a short drive." That was the last straw. I left the hipsters and their silly walks.