It started like any other day, up at 5:00am,

It started like any other day, up at 5:00am, 20 minute work out and breakfast. As I finished my coffee everything changed. How did she get in I asked myself, steeling myself for

Hispanic recruits that were due here any minute I ate a tube of toothpaste and chugged a gallon of orange juice and then

prepared my typewriter for some abuse by slathering it with a special greasy concoction i had created in my basement laboratory. binoculars at the ready, I scanned the horizon

for the touchdown of the spamwow ship. There was a break in the darkening clouds and the spamwow ship appeared whirling discolights and foghorn effects intact.

"That sure was a close one, Smitty. I thought for sure the spamwow ship was going to bite it! Now, when do the pork roll whores get here?" Smitty eyed me with his good eye, swigged

his chocolate chip juice. "You'll get your whores when the work's done," he growled. "And don't start the 8 to 12 watch without Sweaty Ron." I knew Sweaty Ron wouldn't

wear antiperspirant today - he never wore any on days ending in "day". Sweaty Ron approached in his sleeveless shirt. "SpeedStick Man, help!" I cried. Suddenly, the sky parted and

Beyonce appeared. "To the left, to the left." Sweaty Ron began to protest, "But I just showered and-" Beyonce interrupted just in time "But could you walk & talk at the same time?"

end poorly. He took a chew. Then a step. Another chew of gum. Another step. "It's working!" he thought. He chewed and took a step. The bus driver never even saw poor Ron. R.I.P.