It was the Japanese who discovered the benefits

It was the Japanese who discovered the benefits of deep-tissue kitty massage. A Russian Blue would walk up and down your back with claws extending and contracting. For migraines,

the Ocelot A Cappella Society'll purr those bothers into remission. Their words mean nothing more than "meow" to an animal like you, but they bring great honor to Hello Kitty-sama

which is Top Ramen with Hello Kitty on the package. The Hello Kitty executives were going to milk this emotionless cat thing for all she good give. The next project was putting

a Hello Kitty tattoo on the arse of every teenage girl in the Northern Hemisphere. Hello Kitty Top Executive Milo B Schmetterling was assigned this near impossible mission. His

Ability to convince them this was good for their wellbeing was incredible. They then agreed, but on one condition:

That they get their dead parents back, alive. A condition it was impossible to meet on such a limited budget or within those time constraints. They started to lose cohesion & mean

Internet critics (see also: the unemployed) were saying nasty things about their parental resurrection task. They shoulda come to me--Carl of Isn't It Necromantic? undead services.

Yes, I was once Carl the face on your toe, and the love of your life, but when you became a zombie, you left me in a ditch. That's when I created Isn't It Necromantic Undead Servic

e Centers all around the globe. But alas, people of the Undead seem to prefer the Alistair At Your Eyes Forever Five Star Hotels which are quite bewitching and now moth ball free!