After 10 days of white-out in a pup-tent,

  • After 10 days of white-out in a pup-tent, the weather cleared and we ventured to the peak. When reaching the summit, I checked my GPS. We were on the wrong mountain

  • , on the wrong continent. "Oh Em Gee," I said, "it's not K2, it's Ben Nevis, not a mountain at all." Alfred put his haggis down and swigged his single malt. "It so is Pakistan," he

  • belched, which was very un-Aflred of him. I realized it was time to get Alfred out of the party now. Later, in the batmobile Alfred asked me to pull over twice so he could puke.

  • Cold sweat ran down my back. Picturing drunken alfred puking in the just detailed bat mobile was causing a panic attack. Pulling over i tucked him beneath a bush to come back for

  • him later.I had no nerve for a puking butler right now:I just had the interior polished up.Bloody Alfred.Why did I even employ him?I never need his services anyway! I really should

  • eject him from the Batmobile right now! Holy guano... that was the nuclear Batballs I propelled! I only hope they carry far enough to explode offshore on some tourist resort or

  • on the only register open of 27 tonight at this Walmart. Luckiy the quano, Holy or not, did the trick. It fell across the Batballs's trajectory causing ripples in the space-time

  • Programming created by the Great Retailer in the sky. Quano threatened anarchy if the cashier didn't provide any discount. He demanded coffee and donuts for everything. Three

  • of the other customers moved quietly out the door as the cashier's eyes began to cast an other-worldy glow. A snap was heard, followed by a lightening bolt and the rude customer

  • was instantly disintegrated, leaving behind only a dark, smoldering mark on the floor. No one has messed with that particular cashier again since. True story.



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