In a ship on the open sea, I stood at the

In a ship on the open sea, I stood at the helm. "Cap'n!" my faithful servant said. I turned to see him waving around a baby tyrannosaurus. "It finally hatched, Cap'n!" he cried.

"Okay, Mr. Smee, you can go on paternity leave," I said. Mr. Smee hugged me and ran off with his baby T-Rex. In a land without aging, humans and dinosaurs coexisted and copulated

with great care after several couplings resulted in the catastrophic demise of the human in the human-dinosaur pair. Now that Smee was out, I figured I'd give my hook a polish, so

I opened the secret lock-box in my boudoir and whipped out the necessary items. I slathered the steel hook with lubricant and polished it 'til I could see Smee's reflection in it.

Perhaps I should now explain why it is that I have a "boudoir" and of course, why I would use such melancholic language at this time. You see, Blanche from the Golden Girls is my

lover on Tuesdays & Thursdays. Blanche demanded I provide, if I desired a physical relationship with her, a boudoir in my mansion, a depressing one that would make me melancholic.

Blanche needed a depressed lover as she was prone to migraines & disliked boisterous behaviour. I equipped her boudoir with pictures of rainy days and cloudy skies. She loved to

wake up in this room and discover what her mind had scribbled down while in a fugue state. This defense mechanism was for Blanche a gift from heaven, but she hid these notes

It was her cribsheet to get the Doctor to diagnose her malady correctly. "I have aches when I walk, I can't see straight & titinus Doc! "Get over it Blanche, You've got old age!"