wake up to a phone ringing, meets a baker,

and that was all before she even had her "Jitter Bran, the Breakfast of Overachievers, fortified with 8 nonessential sweeteners and 500% of the recommended daily caffeine.

This was how Martha Stewart started everyday. But her Executive Assistant was exhausted. She couldn't keep up. So she put liquid TLC in Martha's coffee, a whole bunch. Just for a

day she thought she'd chill but Martha Stewart was like a rich housewife on steroids, only cloyingly attentive & overbearing. The assistant had mixed up the bottles. Not TLC, THC!

Stewart stoned was an object to behold. She removed all of the furniture in the living room and replaced it with bean bags. "Being closer to the floor... Is a good thing!...is it?"

Martha confided in her husky stoned voice which was refreshingly less constipated than usual that she put dried chickpeas in her beanbags and today we would build a cat loft out of

old furniture, shelves, metal brackets, and scraps of wool. I thought that was a little ambitious but Martha assured me she knew what she was doing. The cats enjoyed leaping up on

my toupee for some reason. "Scram, dammit!" I chased Puff from my head, but suffered a nasty scratch in the process. "Concentrate!" admonished Martha. "We need to get this stuff

to Willy." As I fought off the remnants of Puff's presence, Martha and I boxed up the rest of Wonka's order. Turned out he was tweaking the Gobstopper recipe, and mum was the word.

No, really. Know what else is everlasting and her flavor outlasts anything else on the market? MY MOM! Wuuuuhhhhhhh! But I lost the first shipment pulling donuts in the park.