I was walking around in the city of Brazil

  • I was walking around in the city of Brazil when I stopped to go on a tour in the Amazon that my friend had told me about. The tour guide had asked me questions for no reason.

  • For example, " What is your favorite kind of elephant?" And, " Why is your hair brown?"

  • I really hated these kinds of questions on first dates. Somehow I always seemed to end up with the real winners. Passive-aggressively, I pretended not to hear & stuck my finger

  • in his mouth, like a little girl at the dyke.There was an awkward silence which was exacerbated by him starting to do unspeakable things.As always my intentions were misunderstood.

  • I held out the chalk for Matt Damon. He glared at me. Then his expression softened. He understood, stomping out his cigarette, finishing the proof on our chalkboard. It was real.

  • Matt Damon was a terrible actor. Matt and I glared at the chalk writing, refusing to believe the answer to our many years of calculations. But there it was, chalked up on a board

  • Matt had mastered how be a dick but still come off as being a nice guy. There it was. Matt Damon & I had cracked it. We still had to work out how to use it to cover his bad acting.

  • Then the perfect answer came to me: we would star Matt Damon in a movie about a guy who is a crappy actor! Stunned critics gave him rave

  • reviews until they revealed that Matt Damon was really Ben Affleck; being a crappy actor wasn’t particularly challenging work. Yet, they elected to nominate him for a Razzie.

  • He won several Razzies. As Matt Damon and as Ben Affleck and one as Greg Kinnear. He didn't show up to accept any of them. Instead, Anne Hatheway accepted them on their behalf.



  1. Woab Dec 09 2019 @ 13:55

    Fine ending there, somesuch!

  2. Jimbeau Dec 09 2019 @ 14:50

    Okay, Woab, who is your favorite? Hugh Jackman? Leo DiCaprio? Christian Bale?

  3. Woab Dec 10 2019 @ 17:17

    My favorite bad actor? Christopher Walken!

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