"so, any last remarks, Bieber?" "No, Sir"

"so, any last remarks, Bieber?" "No, Sir" The disgrace was now hanging by a thread looped around his big toe. Below him, was the Japanese volcano Sacwanjoho. "So, bieber, any idea

why I have to kill you?" I asked. Beiber just smiled and nibbled a vanilla cup cake. "Do you know the history of the machete?" I asked as

I took out the DVD case. "It grossed over $26,589,953 in the USA alone yet you have the nerve to sit there and tell me you haven't watched Machete!?" Beiber took one last bite and

swallowed the rest of the disc whole. None of us were really sure what Beiber was trying to achieve by eating the Blu-Ray remastering of Machete On Ice, but it sure was a spectacle

and a half! He then proceeded to regurgitate the disc, but it now was a CD of Michael Jackson singing the hits of Air Supply. We gave polite applause, but then Bieber threatened to

was a YouTube video of some frat boy playing Miserlou on a ukelele. He was at a quandary. Thumbs up or down? The kid had talent, but a ukelele? It could be worse, Harlem Shake.

There was just something about giving someone the thumbs down. I mean it felt so powerful to withhold my thumbs up for those like piano cat who were only truly deserving, but

it made me feel alive! Not as alive as I felt when I licked the outlet, but pretty damn alive. I started to thumbs down everything... kids in the street, babies at the playground,

the guys who were up to no good. But then I got in one little fight and my mom scared, she said you're moving in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air. I wh, well you know the rest