Dear Santa Claus, I've been a really good

Dear Santa Claus, I've been a really good boy this year, so please don't bring me any more coal. What I want for Christmas is 1) a puppy 2) cash 3) a vibrating shower head 4) a new

fleshlight with alien insert 5) pair of 3D T-Rex Dinosoles size 20. Your the Best! -Jonny. His mother read the note & decided it was time to break the news to Jonny about Santa.

She knocked gingerly on the basement door. "Jonny, put down the Warhammer minatures and talk to me. You are 27 and I feel it is time you knew about Santa." The scream was heard

several towns away, and the blood fell from the skies for days. It couldn't be true, Santa had to be real, and Jonny was going to find him and prove to the world that

Santa Claus was actually a pedophile hell-bent on world domination. Of course, Johnny would need evidence, and for that he would have to travel to the North Pole. He

bought a used Elf costume at FrightNight.com, made his way North, and began Operation: Santa's a Perverted Evil Genius Who I Must Stop. SPEGWIMS, for short. Johnny started spying

chimneys across the night for his SPECWIMS project. This bearded red-robed freak's night of terror was ending soon. His high-powered rifle had a night scope on it. The cross hairs

Maybe the cheap cheesecake would send me to the emergency room and I could take on a staff infection. Just one more thing to add to the craziness that last night

occurred without my ulterior consent. But hindsight is 20/20, and my buttocks had glasses on. It turns out the only infectious thing about the staff was their laughter. At me.