I feel lonely, but at the same time not.

I feel lonely, but at the same time not. I'm not sure what this means, but I'm pretty sure it makes me

perimenopausal. Nononononono...DON'T touch me! So why do you never touch me anymore? This is why I sometimes feel lonely, but other times not. Do these pants make me look fat?

Uh-oh, this is dangerous ground. Perhaps the safest move in such situations is to helpfully offer, "Honey, would you like some chocolate?" It's closest thing to a right answer.

Appeasing a woman is a full-time job, so forget your aspirations. "What aspirations?" Exactly. Address her as "Oh Haver of Slender Frame" whilst touring the Lindt Chocolate Factory

in your birthday suit. -- "Ask Ayatollah" had lost its luster, the advice becoming increasingly inane. "Tell me something I don't know," grumbled Tommy Basketball as he ate

out of the trash bin. Tommy Basketball woofed down half a moon pie and a half-frozen hot pocket. By accident he ingested the Ayatollah's most prized possession, the Emerald

Ring. Tommy Basketball went to bed and had the strangest dream. He dreamed about being in a foreign land, searching through the trash looking for food, and about magical

. Tommy was living in Trashcan Alley, sometimes called Tintown, or Hoboton, the gritty real world version of Oscar the Grouchs digs. But all that pie-in-the-sky fabled land of Milk

and fish bones, couldn't bring back his Minnie the Moocher. He sucked on his cheroot, took a swig of hooch, and settled back to strumming the blues.