I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
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I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
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Then I was approached by Angela Lansbury who said that I was not allowed to do my little dance for the kids because the whole signing tea pot thing was copyrighted and
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trademarked and anyway I couldn't do it. I squared up to her. "Just who do you think you are, Angela Lansbury? I'm just here to entertain the kids." I screamed. Angela was not
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satisfied with the answer. She demanded, screamed even, that I should pay her a little respect. But I knew something she didn't...
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She was really a man. I thought of a way to tell him/her, after all (s)he had been kind to me. "Hey, you remember that time you told me that you thought you had a penis? Well, it t
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-t-turns out it w-was t-true." I couldn't help stuttering, this was by far the strangest of situations I had ever been in. "So, y-yeah...y-you ch-changed, bu-but you're st-still
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b-b-barbecue--" Just then my mom slapped me hard across the face. "Why don't you smoke some pot and stop stuttering like a FAAYYYG?" she hollered at me. I cried, my chubby face
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puffy and red and miserable. I wanted to say, "Speech impairments have no direct cause/effect link to sexual orientation, MOM," but, being cursed with a stutter, I could only say
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"O-OK." I buried my face in my sleeve. Mom didn't get it. She didn't want to get it. I sniffled. I had no choice. It was my last resort. I became a Navy SEAL.
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As I placed limpet mines on a pirate's zodiac boat, It reminded me of my mom's home-made pies. Underwater, no one can see you cry.
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- Started
- 2011-06-09 13:44:48
- Finished
- 2012-12-03 09:37:21
4 Comments
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PurpleProf Dec 03 2012 @ 13:50
I feel quite sorry for the chubby-cheeked Navy SEAL teapot, don't you? I feel so upset, I think I'm gonna go eat a piece of mom's pie. Make that two pieces. Sniff, sniff...
Zetawilk Dec 03 2012 @ 15:06
If only we could rise above domestic adversity as our teapot protagonist, but it's true that we can never escape the past. To do so would be to deny all other teapots struggling with abusive influences in their lives.
jaw2ek Dec 03 2012 @ 15:19
This story is about learning to be comfortable in your own teapot-isheness. (Just to be contrary, of course)
Zetawilk Dec 03 2012 @ 20:58
Maybe he could also get a spot playing the Jeopardy theme if his army and stuff doesn't pan out.