You look like someone put a bright red fright

You look like someone put a bright red fright wig on a skeleton and chucked it out of a helicopter.

I said to myself as I looked into the gas station mirror. My head pounded like pugs in a mosh pit of a prog rock concert. Someone had slipped me a mickey. I must be getting close.

Or maybe I am far away. I couldn't tell.I heard pounding outside."I gotta pee & I gotta pee noowww!" a small whiney voice called through the crack of the men's gas station restroom

sexual indecency forced my hand. I went out to the construction site across the street, stole a boring tool, and returned to drill a waist-high hole in the bathroom stall, when

the lock on the door began to jostle. It was to early for anyone to be here so it must be the foreman. I quickly stashed the drill in the water compartment of the toilet, and

opened the door drying my hands. It was my Uncle Joe and Cousin Noah, "Just checking up." I treated them to a microwave lasagna, all the while thinking of the drill in the toilet.

Maybe I should invest in a plunger or a drill with superior grip. "Is your lasagna burnt too?" Uncle Joe asked Cousin Noah. I must have set the microwave to slow roast. "Boys, chew

your meatballs before you swallow! This damn plunger and drill ain't gonna do the job. Where the hell's my roto-rooter snakey thingamabob?" The Boys were turning blue. Time was

running short. I had to act fast before the Boys turned into smurfs. I than had an awesome idea. I wheeled out a giant laser from the garage and shot the Boys. They then died.