My father, uninterested in sticking around

My father, uninterested in sticking around for the next life saving maneuver, had stumbled back into his old truck and swerved off toward the liquor store.

And then he stopped. He looked at me with red eyes and said, "I can't do this anymore." And he took off his trucker hat. "Son, I'm a fraud. I ain't a redneck. I'm Luis Miguel

Mellencamp. I might sing these songs for the working man, but I'm really just a failed painter" The tears in his eyes said it all. He wanted to be a better man than he had been...

before his alien abduction. His time above had changed him and he was short fused when it came to earthly

dalliances. For the first time in his existence he knew what was truly important and he had the aliens to thank for it. He quit his job, and instead

helped the aliens inseminate earth females full-time. His job was to

found to his utter dismay that the third leg was woefully inadequate and tiny. Slot B started giggling and skipped away from him, toward another

Tab A. Those fickle slots just didn't care whose Tab was inserted or whether the directions were followed. No wonder Christmas Eve was hell for fathers, most never knew a bad Tab

from a so-so Mr. Pibb.