It was a gritty scene - like a train wreck.

It was a gritty scene - like a train wreck. Everybody wanted to look away but nobody could pull themselves to. The detective decided a prognosis was in order. "It appears this man

has attempted to convert his intestines into jumper cables. Now skedaddle!" The detective managed to shoo away bystanders, but when he saw the man's wife, his face turned white.

She had the most stunning grey Merona cardigan, undoubtedly purchased during the recent sale at Belk. This was an issue because the detective was at the same Belk, ordering the hit

single, "Fhqwhgads." He wasn't usually into pop, but he overheard this one at the University's computer lab around midnight while he was checking out some underdressed vixens.

The underdressed vixens turned out to be mannequins at Victoria Secret. He felt so ashamed because these were fake women and yet his loins stirred like caged monkeys and

he finally gave way completely to his mannequin fetish. He'd loiter around shopping malls & cop a feel on the scantly glad swimsuit models. They were much easier than real women

and they didn't slam his pick up lines. "Wooden you come up and see me some time?" The Blue Fairy rolled her eyes and turned the mannequin into a woman. It finally was able to

wore off as soon as she left though, so it really wasn't that big of a deal after all. "How 'bout we hop on over to the pub and have ourselves a pint, eh?"

Those were the last words I heard before the month long binge drinking session that nearly ended my life. But if I tell that part of the story we don't have a happy ending.