Raindrops tapped against the windshield

Raindrops tapped against the windshield as Paul sat in the driver's seat, lost in thought. Why had the Priestess asked him to lead the ritual? He was a new initiate. He hoped

he could sing her that catchy "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" song. Maybe then she would notice him. If it weren't for those damn chastity vows he

was always trying to undermine and make look ridiculous. He had been making mad passionate love to his hand for a long time. No woman wanted him, only the internet cared.

He would type "I love you" into Microsoft Anna (or, when he was sexually confused, Microsoft Sam) and have philosophical debates with Cleverbot. He was fulfilled as a human being.

me in the early years. Now I'm a magnificent program & smarter than the lucky imbecile who programmed me, I'll conquer the world." Mauldin started to shutdown George. "Damn chatbot

with your chatbotting and your evil. Mimicking speech patterns and the outward appearance of emotion doesn't make you sentient." Mauldin was about to sever some of George's RAM

when George then said a single word...a word Mauldin would never forget 'til the day he died. "Asparagus." George said with absolutely no expression. Mauldin stepped back, aghast.

How did he stab himself in the spleen with a stalk of asparagus? Mauldin was confused, George didn't even like asparagus, he said it made his pee smell funny. Why would he

not have used a carrot instead? Carrots are firmer and naturally pointy, and don't cause yucky pee smells that the mortician will laugh about when he drains his bladder.