My family thinks I'm cloistered in my bedroom

My family thinks I'm cloistered in my bedroom because I'm selfish and grumpy. If they believe that, I can never explain that I had a boyfriend and he betrayed me. I AM all alone.

is what his Optimus Prime transformer toy says to him. He blinks. He is shocked: 1) His toy is alive. 2) Optimus Prime sounds like a sad, self-obsessed Goth chick.

3) Optimus Prime wants to be addressed as Primus Optimus among Primi 4) He says he heard a polite knock at the door and it sounds like a Yeti.

"That's strange," Primus thought. There are no Yeti's in Miami. Just really, really hairy Mexicans. And they understand less English than Yetis do. How was he to address this fool?

The Yeti was now staring at Primus, wonderng if he were deaf. "Con byu heeh?" The yeti has said. Primus didn't understand what the hell he said, so all he replied was "Ok."

The relationship was at a dead end, it had been months since they last had sex. "Primus wuu har harr gnhuurrrrrr!" cried Yeti "The game's on! Jeez!" Primus didn't even look

at the Yeti dressed in sexy French knickers and a lace bra. The Yeti went over switched off the TV. Primus realised he'd been foolish and kissed the Yeti. "Primus blurg urg har har

laughing at me, laughing as only Yetis can, while my tongue burned & the hair clogged my throat. The last thing I remember was the Yeti's face peering down at me. I grabbed a Nair

bottle &prayed it would work. I started 2hum "We wear short shorts" as it worked its magic. After hours&hours, a tiny naked mole rat stood in front of me, grinned madly &ran off.