Once upon a time there was a mentally retarded

Once upon a time there was a mentally retarded young boy named Tom. Tom lacked the mental capacity for common sense. For example, immediately after seeing a tomato being sliced,

he'd raise his hand & shout "BINGO!" But because everyone knew Tom was mentally challenged, they'd give him a prize anyway. This became a problem, however, when the tomato-slicing

started affecting the global economy. With all the tomatoes gone, how could the world make Enrique's World Famous Spicy Salsa? Soon, Tom had captured the attention of the entire wo

okie population on Alderan. Longo Two-Guns hated Tom which is why he brought him to the Ninibah system where the Dathomirian scorpions live.

They landed on Ninibah's third moon Manguh & flew dessert skimmers to the Bunto pyramids to explore. Longo Two-guns knew they were crawling with scorpions & hoped Tom would get bit

by the acting grub because he loathed inaction like the plague. It was true, the plague had loathed inaction since before 1348 when all the rulers did nothing when plague struck at

7:34am. Now, the plague could travel on buses, trains and airplanes. The fare was still cheap and they bribed the TSA into letting them through the doors of hell without a passport

which proves how brainless the plague was. I mean, who does hell turn away at its door, anyway? But what the plague really wanted was a Holiday Cruise. It dreamt of drinks on the

main deck by the pool, watching man-boobed guys playing volleyball. But it was, after all, the plague. When it came time to leave a tip, the plague just killed the waiter. That was