I want to tell you everything so that the

I want to tell you everything so that the only thing that remains between us are secrets.

"Sorry hon I'm all out of Sucrets," said Mike, sleepily. Betty repeated herself; Mike replied, "Everything?" This was going to be a long night. She *would* need throat lozenges by

some whippity Swedish dudes on top of a mountain blowing giant horns. Betty gargled with saltwater and monkey blood to loosen up her throat for Mike's Wicked Long Night.

Then Betty White belted out "Guess what. I'm Still Hot. I got your cheese cake. Right here. Check this graham cracker. Listen to my creaky joints. I got your retirement points.

Ahhhh. Relief. I knew I could count on Betty White & her promises. People, listen: older women are HOT! We know what we're doing. We aim to please. Betty White is but one example.

among a SEA of others! If you think older women aren't hot, you probably uh....aren't as old as me!" Said Grandpa in a drunken stumble. Little Timmy was traumatized and went to his

grave remembering how creepy grandpa had been that day. But Grandpa lived to a ripe old age, growing ever older and riper as he chased older women around the CVS parking lot in his

1975 pickup truck. It was still running. That was the most amazing thing of all. He was doing a jigsaw puzzle in the back when idle. He named the truck Mabel and it stuck.

He placed the last piece of the puzzle in with a dejected sigh. He was a very lonely boy with hardly any friends. He devoted tendencies to name inanimate objects. He named the puzz