He hung upside down, his face burnt black,

He hung upside down, his face burnt black, charred from the flames of the fireplace so gaily decorated with pine boughs & red satin bows. A note was stuffed in his mouth.

It read, "Clean your damn chimney. Your pal, Santa." That's when I realized it was a crispy elf that was hanging upside down in my chimney. Dang it, that's going to leave a smell.

Our cove ceiling now suffered smoke damage and the elf's curly shoes were blocking the flue. While trying to unstuff the brownie from the chimney, i heard pitter-patter of little

claws scratching the floor. I turned around and screamed in horror. It was El Chupacabra himself: 1/3 alien, 1/3 dinosaur, and 1/3 vampire. And he had come for my blood and my

Taylor Lautner memorabilia and my friend Chalk says I burst out of my clothes, out of my wolf, out of the light, out of the dark, and El Chupacabra was whimpering in my jaws,

but that's what happens when the Chupacabras goes up against the meanest shark in Cinema history. But after all the fanfare, I swim in my Hollywood Hills tank and wonder, what

could possibly go wrong. Sun is shining, drinks are cold and I'm in Hollywood. My tank began losing water. The shark fighting chupacabra was circling and chomping at his

Rivals' carvasses. Shark Lady and her husband stood by and applauded. It was so sickening, I puked into the trash can and some useful idiots showed up. "Did you have to puke there?

distracted the others and allowed me to escape. I swam away and swore I'd never agree to go into a shark tank again. That about sums up this fish story.