He hung upside down, his face burnt black,

  • He hung upside down, his face burnt black, charred from the flames of the fireplace so gaily decorated with pine boughs & red satin bows. A note was stuffed in his mouth.

  • It read, "Clean your damn chimney. Your pal, Santa." That's when I realized it was a crispy elf that was hanging upside down in my chimney. Dang it, that's going to leave a smell.

  • Our cove ceiling now suffered smoke damage and the elf's curly shoes were blocking the flue. While trying to unstuff the brownie from the chimney, i heard pitter-patter of little

  • claws scratching the floor. I turned around and screamed in horror. It was El Chupacabra himself: 1/3 alien, 1/3 dinosaur, and 1/3 vampire. And he had come for my blood and my

  • Taylor Lautner memorabilia and my friend Chalk says I burst out of my clothes, out of my wolf, out of the light, out of the dark, and El Chupacabra was whimpering in my jaws,

  • but that's what happens when the Chupacabras goes up against the meanest shark in Cinema history. But after all the fanfare, I swim in my Hollywood Hills tank and wonder, what

  • could possibly go wrong. Sun is shining, drinks are cold and I'm in Hollywood. My tank began losing water. The shark fighting chupacabra was circling and chomping at his

  • Rivals' carvasses. Shark Lady and her husband stood by and applauded. It was so sickening, I puked into the trash can and some useful idiots showed up. "Did you have to puke there?

  • I stepped into him and whispered, "Whatever your name was it is now Chad." His confused hesitation gave me time to stand clear before I said, "Shark Lady, Chad is here." Her frenzy

  • distracted the others and allowed me to escape. I swam away and swore I'd never agree to go into a shark tank again. That about sums up this fish story.



  1. BlastedHeath Feb 19 2017 @ 00:55

    Bonus points for Futique's "I stepped into him"

  2. LordVacuity Feb 19 2017 @ 18:10

    Did I give too much away?

  3. BlastedHeath Feb 21 2017 @ 19:53

    I just thought it was a very concisely written bullying gesture. As the Vorlon ambassador once said: "Efficient."

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