And then Joe Black said, "The truth? The
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And then Joe Black said, "The truth? The truth is that you've been fucking Death. I'm an eternal supernatural being in a dead man's body and you divirginzed me." Vomit came up her
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dress, and spilled into the hallway. "And I am pestellance," she admitted. It was always bad to get in a relationship with your coworkers, she reflected, but Death was so
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good at making friends, despite the trade & Pestilence wanted a social life too. War had gotten married & settled down; Famine had her record contact. Pestilence wanted better for
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herself and her twin sister Pain. Pain had always been so dependent on Disappointment, when would she learn to stand on her own? Pestilience continued lamenting
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the lack of facial tissues, and Sorrow could only apologize so many times about it. It was Disappointment's fault, but Apathy shrugged. Then Pain set them all free.
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Loyalty and Devotion agreed they would always be together but Fear thought their friendship wouldn't last. Joy suggested they all play a game of hide and seek.
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He sought Loyalty & Devotion. Loyalty was lost, but deep down he found Devotion. As Joy came back to him he suddenly felt Fear gnawing at him! To overcome Fear, Loyalty was needed.
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He wasn't sure why he kept coming to the Lycan Ranch, these hookers had horrible names. Loyalty, Devotion, Joy, Love, Hope, Fear & Pain. There was something wrong with these girls
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that he relished. A confused man, he was aroused by unflattering situations, insincerity and obviously contrived stage names. His favorite girl, Loyalty, was busy tonight, which
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excited him tremendously, for she was lounging languidly at a corner table. She continued to insist she was busy, told him "I like your hat. Now buzz off." And he died of apoplexy.
3
- Started
- 2011-08-14 16:48:37
- Finished
- 2016-01-07 02:08:04
3 Comments
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SlimWhitman Jan 07 2016 @ 06:25
Original and funny!
Gibber Jan 07 2016 @ 12:00
An analysis of my fold: Bearshoes84 provides an interesting set up for a "show not tell" fold, which elaborates on the ideas of the previous fold, reminiscent of a case study in Krafft Ebing's "Psychopathia Sexualis." Bearshoes84 states that the main character, "he," is aroused by unflattering situations and insincerity, and that "his" favorite girl's name is Loyalty. My interpretation of an unflattering situation is that Loyalty is ironically being disloyal by rejecting his business, insisting she is busy when she obviously is idle and indifferent (lounging languidly) which, with inverted irony, shows her loyalty in contriving the situation. This "excited him tremendously" which I should have "shown" with something like, "made him blush, sweat and tremble." Next she tells him "I like your hat," which at first seems to be a non sequitur, but we then realize is an insincere statement - she is throwing him a bone, pun intended. It is also an unflattering compliment - she does not compliment his character, person or even his attire, only his hat. This subtle humor is perhaps below the humor threshold and in the range of not even amusing. To wrap it up with a bit of humiliation, she tells him to buzz off, hinting he should relieve his tension alone. In a climactic finale of only 24 characters, he dies of a stroke, implying all this excited him to such a fevered pitch that his blood pressure shot through the roof. In conclusion, this analysis shows I have too much time on my hands.
bearshoes84 Jan 07 2016 @ 13:52
For my part in your satisfying finisher, my velveeta-loving rabbit, you are nose-on. The most satisfying folds are like waves reinforcing themselves - the ripples you receive, amplified and altered by your -- chi? chutzpa? moxy? -- before cresting as a punchline that introduces the next wave. I also like how this one is bookended by sex with death and death by sex. A real thinker.