She put on the cocktail apron and adjusted

She put on the cocktail apron and adjusted her earrings. The guests would be showing up any minute. All that was in the pantry was decaf coffee and nutmeg. Trouble was brewing.

It had been years since Laura had invited anyone over -- since the time Buddy and Sally got into it and there were the police and all that followed. Rob was already drunk,

making passes at every blond girl who walked by the porch. Mary had smoked something and was telling Louis about the screenplay she'd started writing 5 minutes ago. Laura was

Like my personality. Tired of being ignored I unzipped my fly and pulled my junk out right over the punch bowl and

micturated freely into the waiting mouth of the bowl. Wow, did that feel good. I closed my eyes and I swear I saw God in all his glory. It was almost worth it in the end. But when

I was still peeing 10 minutes later, the pleasure of it gave way to boredom and then frustration. After the umpteenth flush, I began to worry and fished for my cell phone

and speed dialed my urologist. "Yeah Harry, it's happening again...No, I tried squeezing, it's still not stopping...15 goddam minutes, ok?! Clearly the drugs you gave me

are for little girls and I'm a big boy, not a little girl! I can't go on like this! You'll have to remedy this situation or I'll... I'll have to end my life..." I hung up the phone

Damn I hated pushy cold calls but I sure did love to mess with their heads. Speaking of which I quickly dialed 911 and farted into the phone. Soon the cops would come... again...