"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity,"

"This is a once in a lifetime opportunity," I remember thinking! It's scary how something so good and exciting could turn our so badlyl!

So I took my Christian-friendly joke books and tossed them out the window. I followed all Jesus's rules, down to a "T" and you know what? I still got foreclosed on so

went to the Bank and asked to speak to the manager and then showed him the other cheek. They called the police and I was arrested for public nudity which is still an offence in

spite of the fact that the Bank Manager liked what he saw. While in the back of the squad car, they got an emergency call for a 374B in progress. They turned on the siren and

lowered the suspension. The ambled down the boulevard in their metalic purple doped cruiser. "Car 54 where are you?" They couldn't hear the dispatch over their bass beats. Officer

Interruptus wouldn't let us make out for two minutes on the fourth floor where it was quiet and we could actually get some goddamn studying done. He was the worst menace to educa-

ca, which was all the rage at the universities now and consisted of writing out everything one knows about a topic, folding it into origami and submitting it as a doctoral thesis

that no one actually reads because they don't want to unravel the cute origami designs. That's how I got an A+ on my manatee thesis which just said the word manatee about 6,000

times, then folded the essay into a working, life-size paper manatee. The teacher was handing back our papers when smoke bombs filled the lecture hall. PETA came for my manatee