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The Congress had planned on coming up with

  • The Congress had planned on coming up with a plan to raise the debt ceiling...but Sen. Orrin Hatch (R) thought they were "raising the roof", which he heard about on Oprah and was

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  • hopping around in unlaced sneakers, baggy jeans, and backward baseball cap. Sen. Orrin Hatch (R) was having his first "time of his life". He felt there was no ceiling to raise, no

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  • counties to win over, and no laws to argue about. He breakdanced ferociously to the music, feeling younger than he ever had since he joined the Senate, until

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  • reeling from one particularly vigorous backflip, he careened headlong into the Speaker of the House, knocking the glass of Bourbon out of his hand. Silence fell on the dance floor.

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  • Silence then tried to get back up to his feet, but he was just too drunk, so he shouted for help. "Now there's a representative that doesn't live up to his name," mused Senator

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  • Ted Kennedy from the dead. But Alanis Morissette put her hand over the (still, in death) bloated Kennedy, helped Silence to his feet and said, "Thank you Silence, thank yo

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  • mama fo' lettin' me fo'get you when I don't look at you no mores." Alanis Morisette was then asploded into scraps of her former self by the Silence. Doctor Whooves hatched a plan

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  • . Summoning his equine sidekicks of the apocalypse the Doctor gathered the singer's bodily remains in a doggy back and galloped to the nearest Tesco. "WHO DARES

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  • TO TELL THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED HERE!" the Doctor bellowed.Not a soul on earth could speak. Dejected, the doctor buried the singer in the sands of time and wept bitterly. "IT IS

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  • TEARS OF ACID THAT I CRY!" the doctor felt sure he was deaf so he went to he library to learn sign language. The acid tears dissolved his cheeks and the pages he was trying to read

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