Once upon a time, there lived a handsome

Once upon a time, there lived a handsome man named Eric and a beautiful woman named Cynthia. They met through mutual friends even though they lived in different cities.

The friends were surprised it lasted as long as it did. Cuz of Cynthia's penchant for pummeling Eric with an iron skillet -- seasoned, and never washed. The skillet, not Cynthia.

Cynthia was spotless at all times. She washed her hands every fifteen minutes and got stock options from Purell. After she finished killing Eric with the skillet, her handywipes

had nearly run out. She made a note to buy more in her neat little notebook, before returning to the body. It was then she noticed

that there was blood on her own hands. Surely that hadn't been there before. She looked down, and there was dried blood all down her fancy silk blouse too.

Hit her like a bowling ball iin a nightgown. With a shaking hand she lit the torch with her cigarette. Thank god she hadn't given up smoking. The blood bubbled up from

her nostril and she entertained the fact that there was a street mime playing air guitar over a

sidewalk stain that looked like a ginormous burrito. It appeared the street performer was laying down some classic Hendrix licks and he really was wailing on the whammy bar. She fi

xed the whammy bar when it broke off suddenly. Just as suddenly, she realized she didn't need any of that anymore. All her debts had been paid, especially thi biggest one, to Sonny