He stumbled over the plastic container and

He stumbled over the plastic container and mumbled a curse. His years in architecture couldn’t have prepared him for the extempore solutions he encountered as he was trying to bal

ance his diet searching through restaurant waste bins. "People eat so unhealthy" he thought chewing a piece of filet minon below the highrise that bankrupted his architecture firm.

He'd inverted form & function so the highrise was upside down on the plans & drilling through 25 stories of bedrock had cost a pretty penny. The hobo architect wheeled his shopping

cart through the parking lot and past a parked van. The van was rocking curiously back & forth. The hobo architect really should have kept working but his curiosity got the better

of him and he checked out the shaking van by peeping through a slit-window on the side. There he saw what no hobo should ever have to witness: a tall dark-haired man with a little

bow tie and a long knife, carving an unusual symbol into the naked chest of a 12 year old boy who was both terrified and very much alive.

Yes, this was Orville Redenbacher's finest hour. The pain he'd inflicted on his 12-year old victim made him nostalgic. He wanted to lop off his victims toes, one by one and

toss them in the popcorn popper. If only his parents hadn't named him Orville and forced him to wear bow ties, he might have turned out sane. But them's the breaks. Toe lopping was

the target market. So we went with sour patch kids and haven't looked back. I admit, I was the genius behind that innovation. You're welcome.