Learn KIRK-KHAN-DO! My patented fighting

Learn KIRK-KHAN-DO! My patented fighting style. Guaranteed to incapacitate any alien. The two handed chop! The flying body throw! The neck chop! Thes techniques were tested

by the FDA. KIRK-KHAN-DO, my sensual patented fighting style was developed in a remote village in Ontario, Canada. A temple of Rabbinical scholars practiced the martial art

My instructor dyed my hair fire engine red and sent me hitch hiking across the galaxy Q29c. It was rather fun, wearing a boiler suit like the kind Pete Townshend wore onstage.

Of course, I brought my trusty towel with me, for what is a galaxy hitchhiker without his towel? Mine is named

Cecil and had fled a dimension in which all towels had been persecuted and left to dry on the line. Cecil and I had been chased all over the universe and were wanted on seven

World Systems. He just wanted a drink dammit. Did he have to pay with his arm? He just did not like the little man. Associating with droids like that in the open where all could

kill him at any moment. The little man jumped up and down, laughing demonically. He sighed and turned away, but the little man had latched himself on to him with his teeth.

"Jeeeeeeeesusss!" he screamed. The little man had chumped down on his nut sack and his jaws clamped tight, like a pit bull. Pain turned into palpitations which turned into faint

ing. When he awoke, Jesus was standing beside him, holding an ice pack. "Lo, I am with you always," Jesus said. "But you gotta stop getting yourself in these situations!"